


I Could've-

by miss_tatiana



Category: Redwall Series - Brian Jacques
Genre: Angst, following luke throughout his story, he's just such a tragic character hes so flawed he suffers so much, hes wonderful to write, its heavy guys im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 19:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11766444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_tatiana/pseuds/miss_tatiana
Summary: Luke sums his life up in things he could've done, creatures he could've saved, those things haunting his every waking moment. However, there was one thing he didn't regret.





	I Could've-

**Author's Note:**

> for redwall fic month!

Luke knew he could never recover after Vilu took Sayna from him. Not just because life would lose all of its color and light without his wife, but also because a voice in the back of his mind kept reminding him that he could have found a way to save her. That was the first thought on his mind whenever he awoke to another empty day, and the last before he passed into each night’s uneasy sleep. He could have saved his wife. 

He sat listlessly in the cave for a while, ignoring Windred’s pleas for him to eat, for him to move, for him to say something. Time passed, and Martin grew bit by bit. Luke barely spoke to him, and refused to tell him anything about Sayna not because he wanted her to be forgotten but because he was terrified that Martin would see that his father was to blame for what happened to her. 

After a season or so had gone, Luke sat up and looked at the stars over the sea one night, watching the moon’s reflection shimmer on the water. It was then that he realized he could not recall the sound of Sayna’s voice, nor what she looked like, and for the first time since Martin was born he dropped his head into his paws and wept. 

The only thing he had left of Sayna was what had happened to her, and who had done it, and a ship under her name. He knew what he had to do. He had to take that ship and finally get revenge on Vilu. He’d spent too many a day reminiscing, and the time for taking action was at hand. This was realized not with gusto, though, more with the bittersweet determination that would follow Luke through his whole quest.

Yes, there was something he could do to avenge Sayna. But she wouldn’t have needed avenging if he’d done his job as a husband.

* * *

 

On the day of Luke’s departure, his ship  _ Sayna _ crewed and stocked for a long voyage, the sun shone bright and unforgivingly down upon the shore but no warmth came from it. The wind took that away, blowing in off the sea and chilling every creature to the bone. 

Luke looked down at his son, Martin, who he’d been so distant from, who was now searching his father’s face for some answer as to why he was leaving. 

Martin looked so confused, so lost, so hurt. It killed Luke. He couldn’t tell Martin anything, because it would mean explaining what happened to Sayna. That wound was still to fresh, and Luke wasn’t going to risk opening it in front of his own son. There were too many things he wasn’t going to risk, and it had driven distance between him and his family that he’d never get back. 

He locked eyes with Windred, trying to convey to her what he was sure she already knew. To take care of Martin. To take care of herself. That he might not sail back to the cave, at least not in her lifetime. That he would kill and die for her daughter's memory. Windred looked away from him, and pulled Martin tighter to her side. 

Luke pulled out his sword, which had been passed down in his family for some time. When he placed it in Martin’s paws and heard his son vow to defend it, a pain sprang up in his chest. 

He didn’t say another word, knowing he’d done all he could. He boarded his ship and watched his home on the shore get smaller and smaller, bitter winds whipping over the deck. As night fell, his first night out on the water, it dawned on him what a mistake he was making. 

Luke had no idea who his son was. He’d missed the first part of Martin’s childhood in his silent, listless reverie, and he was missing the rest of it now. He should have been there for the family he had left, not just pine over the family he’d lost.

* * *

 

After an exhausting chase across the seas, and after slaving day in and day out at the oars of the  _ Goreleech _ , Luke had finally managed, against all odds, to lure Vilu back to the very shores he’d left his son on what felt like forever ago. This was his chance to make things right, to reunite with Martin - no doubt a fine young warrior by then - and lead their tribe together in a final act of vengeance. 

As he carefully steered the ship, the blisters he’d gotten rowing burning and the chains about his wrists rubbing into his fur painfully, he pictured the scene in his mind. Vilu wouldn’t find treasure- far from it. Luke and Martin would slay him together, and then catch up on the lost seasons they’d endured apart. Martin would tell him how he put the sword Luke gave him to good use defending the tribe, and Luke would regale Martin with the tale of the Red Ship, the  _ Goreleech _ . 

The shoreline that he knew so well materialized out of the grey lump of land on the horizon, and Luke’s heart jumped in his chest. This was the moment, the moment when he would finally have Vilu at his mercy, finally put Sayna’s memory to rest. He steered the ship confidently towards where he knew the caves were, counting down the seconds until they’d be close enough to see his tribe milling about on the beach. 

Those seconds came and went, however, and as the caves came into focus, it was clear that there was nobody in them, nobody scavenging the beach for fish, nobody weaving on the rocks, none of the signs of life that he’d been vouching on seeing. So. Somebody else had gotten to the tribe first. Luke squeezed his eyes shut. 

His entire tribe was gone. Killed by some hoard, by some slaver, some vermin- it didn’t matter who had done it. They were gone. His tribe was gone. His last connection to St. Ninian’s was gone. His son was gone. Martin was gone.

Luke never even knew him.

He pretended not to hear Vilu’s taunts, pretended that the sight of the empty caves didn’t tear up his very being, pretended that the treasure was somewhere near Tall Rocks. That was his last hope now, if it was right to call it a hope. It was a grim act, and a necessary one, the plan forming in Luke’s mind. It was the act of a man who had nothing left on Earth for him, that was certain. He locked his eyes onto Tall Rocks, the gap between them growing wider as they approached. 

He’d done it again. He’d let his family die. The only family he had in the world and he’d let them slip between his paws. He could have stayed. If he hadn’t let revenge get the better of him, he could have stayed and learned to love what he had left. He could have saved his tribe, he could have saved Windred. He could have saved his son.

* * *

 

Clouds had covered the sky, roiling, dark, and furious, just like the sea beneath them. The  _ Goreleech _ was careening towards Tall Rocks, the waves around it shoving it closer and closer towards the fate Luke assured it. While the sea and the sky mirrored each other, the red of the ship stood out in the greys and dark teals surrounding it. There were no creatures around to watch what would happen, but had there been any, their eyes would’ve been drawn to the  _ Goreleech. _

The ship on course, Luke’s paws were free to fight Vilu. He just had to stop him from reaching the wheel and changing the destination they were headed towards. This was the beast that had killed Sayna. The one that had, ultimately, kept him from raising Martin. His eyes found Vilu’s just for a second, and the fear he saw let him know that he was doing the right thing. Then, he looked back to the pillars of rock, which were unimaginably tall, and shrouded in the mist created by waves smashing against them. 

He was heard Ranguvar yelling to him, but he wasn’t focusing enough to make out the words over the roar of the sea. He spared a glance back at her, just for a second, and what he saw gave him a new burst of strength, and pride in his friend. 

Ranguvar’s eyes had gone red as she let the Bloodwrath overcome her, her dark fur weighed down by her own injuries and by the spray of the waves that crashed over the side of the ship. She was holding off Vilu’s entire crew, three times the amount of creatures Luke could even hope to take in a fight. She ploughed through them like a battering ram, finally acting back against her captors. She would look up, once every few minutes, and her eyes would clear slightly, her mouth open, yelling to Luke. 

He couldn’t hear her. But… wait. Luke let go of all the emotions that had overcome him for seasons, freeing his mind, freeing his heart. Everything that had held him in thrall had passed like a wave breaking upon the shore. He was at peace, and keeping Vilu from the wheel became easy. He didn’t even have to think about it. 

“Whatever it takes,” Ranguvar shouted. 

That was what she’d been saying, Luke figured. She was so strong, so brave, so loyal. He raised his voice above the chaos around them to shout back. “Whatever it takes,” he repeated, and he felt Vilu stop fighting him as Tall Rocks loomed over them. 

This, Luke’s last act, was the one thing he’d done in his life that he didn’t regret. He would carry this out proudly and without guilt. He was finally doing the right thing. 

Luke took ahold of Vilu as the  _ Goreleech _ was thrown upon the rocks by the sea and shattered into two pieces. He let himself slide off the deck and into the water, dragging Vilu after him. The half of the ship he’d been on with Ranguvar began its descent into the sea, destroyed by the rocks. As it disappeared under the surface, Luke held onto the steering wheel in one paw and Vilu in the other. They too would fall under the waves with the ship.

There were vermin screaming, waves crashing onto Tall Rocks around them, the pull of the sea under the ship, all this sound and chaos and struggle- and Luke was completely calm. He let the air stream from his lungs and closed his eyes. It was peaceful, under the sea. It was peaceful, when he’d let go of regret. 


End file.
